“Don’t Wave the Goddamn Flag at Me”
Song of the Hour: My Little Corner of the World, Yo La Tengo
& the Magnolia Soundtrack
Where to start?
1. Brian’s driver’s license is somewhat on the "suspended" side of things, for reasons that aren’t entirely clear. We were aware of that when he got behind the wheel for the commute back from Ch-ill, as we were aware that my tags are expired, and will remain so until I pay off a $300 fine for letting my safety inspection expire. However, since we had both gotten tickets in the last week, it seemed statistically improbable that we would get pulled over and ticketted yet again. At least, that’s what was going on in the back of our minds. Stupid, granted, but there you go.
As you may have concluded from the subtle hints embedded above, we got pulled over. I don’t know if highway patrolmen have magical high-tech eavesdropping devices in their cars, but I think they must. I was making all sorts of inane reccomendations to Brian, trying to keep his spirits up while we waited forever for the cop to come back. You know, of the "Let’s make pig-calling noises" and "maybe if we tell him the ‘hot doughnuts now’ light just turned on at krispy kreme, he’ll rush off and let us go" variety. You know, stupid stuff. He HAD to have heard me. Not only did Brian get a ticket for driving with expired tags, without a license; I got a ticket for letting him drive. Have you ever in your life heard of such a thing? Fucking nuts. Anyway, I have no idea how much it is, but next time, I’m keeping my damn mouth shut.
2. Last week, I saw a roadkill under a bridge on capital blvd. Now, I don’t know what other people do when it comes to roadkill, but I try very hard not to look, and end up looking anyway. Sometimes, it’s curiosity as to what exact animal it was; othertimes it’ s a perverse masochistic gesture I suppose to punish myself for being a part of a species that drives in cars so fast they run over animals. Who knows. Anyway, when I got close enough to make it out, it turned out to be a goose. I thought that was strange. I’v never seen a roadkill goose before. In my mind all the way to work, I concocted various ridiculous scenarios, some of a rather mystical variety, to explain how a goose got ran over by a car under a bridge on capital blvd. Some were quite creative if I do say so myself.
Yesterday, driving under the bridge again, there was a second roadkill goose about 6 feet away from the first one.
You tell me, friends, you tell me.
3. Sunday night was a complete void on network tv. I watched several minutes of "The path to 9/11" on some channel, while Joss played with toys around the room. I’m not going to talk about the movie, because in Freudian terms, I’ve repressed it. Too traumatic a media move. There was a scene, though, of Muslims praying. Joss asked me what they were doing, and of course I explained about other faiths and their practices. Then of course, the 10 seconds Joss is actually paying attention, guns start firing. We went into conversation mode about a lot of things– terrorism, the Israeli war, etc., and he asked me whose side I was on. I told him we shouldn’t choose a side, b/c to choose a side would be like saying we think it’s ok to do what they’re doing; and that they’re killing each other, so it’s not ok. Idiot that I am, I went back to an Abraham/Isaac/Ishmael parable story to explain fighting over land. Joss of course, being the invincible little critter that he is, said he’d go join the Israeli army and get them not to fight. Yeah, I’m not sure he was entirely understanding the simplified scenario.
Anyway, somehow, something the Arabs were doing reminded Joss of the pledge of allegiance. He asked me if I knew it, then put his hand over his heart and said it. I was kind of on the "shocked" side of things. I asked him if he said it in school everyday, and he said "we have to". Something must have shown in my face, though I tried to be nonchalant about it, but he asked me what was wrong.
"I don’t think you should have to say it. I don’t think anyone should have to."
Know what he asked me? And this killed me:
"Mommy, what does it mean?"
I explained it, bit by bit. It wasn’t clicking for him, so I simplified, "You’re swearing, making a promise, to serve our country "under god". I don’t think anyone should have to say it, b/c part of "liberty" means freedom not serve; and there are a lot of families out there that don’t believe in god, as is their right, and they shouldn’t have to make promises about him. I think it’s wrong to force people to do that. It’s kind of like a lie."
That was simple enough for the monkey-bit to understand. But I had an immediate freak-out after he thought about it a minute, and said "I don’t want to say it then. I’m not gonna say it anymore."
In a flash I saw myself outside his school on the evening news holding some lame sign and being harrassed by crisis-greedy reporters. Then I remembered my father existed, and closed my eyes and breathed deeply.
"Sweety, it’s ok if you say it. I just think it’s wrong to force people."
"Mom, we HAVE to say it. Everybody does."
"Well, do you want to do. If you get in trouble, we’ll deal with it. "
"Ok."
We’ve only seen each other in passing the last couple days. It hasn’t come up again. Maybe my dad got a hold of him, or maybe he gets so caught up in class that he doesn’t think about it, and says it out of habit. I don’t know. I’ll ask him tomorrow. Meanwhile, keep an eye on the evening news. I so don’t want to be one of those people, one of those mothers. But maybe he’ll get something out of it.
am I out of line? should I know better? I always think of the Sara’s parents when we get into conversations like that. I want to handle it like they would have. Is that weird? I don’t know, I don’t know anything. I’ll keep you posted.
gotta run,
love.
September 14th, 2006 at 4:36 pm
As requested, here is my perception of what my parents would have said in this situation.
Keep in mind, while my parents had and still have access to some kind of manual of giving the most perfectly non-commital, least judgmental answers on earth and are adept at provoking provoking thought in their children, their children are still a sort of a mess.
Anyway, that said, it seems to me that exactly what you said is what they would have said.
I think the secret to their dealing with us was always asking what we thought. This made us feel valued and important. Perhaps too much so as I like to share my opinions on how things should be to people 800 levels above me at work, and they don’t love me like my parents do. My parents shared their opinion but always gave the good and the bad sides of everything, which of course, Jenny you are an expert at. This was sometimes confusing as a child and even as an adult. I still call my parents and ask things like, “should I quit my job, should I get married, should I eat breakfast today, no really, tell me.” I always really want them to tell me what to do. But they are forever non-commital always putting the power in my hands to make those decisions. Their words are the same ones, “Whatever you decide is the right decision and we love you no matter what.” Infuriating, surely, but liberating and exactly what you did with Joss. If he stages a protest, he has made that decision and you have given a little kid the power to make that decision. I think that’s rare and I think it builds a responsible, thoughtful person.
There is only one part of the conversation my mom might have thrown in there, and I don’t really know, you’d have to ask her. But, I think my mother would have said something about traditions and how sometimes we follow rules because they have a history even if we don’t have great meaning to us. She would have also said everything else you said. She might have just added this little bit to say it’s OK to be part of something like this even if you don’t agree entirely. But she might have said this just so she didn’t get called out of work to come to the press conference you fear.
I don’t know what my Dad would have said, but he would have been secretly pleased with a media spectacle and a sit-in organized by his children. But he’s pretty crazy.
I don’t know. Parents are mysterious thing. How did they do it? I’m always amazed by your conversations with Joss when I read them. First of all he is a genius and I love him. Second of all, you are a genius and and I love you.